Love, Life and stress.

Okay, loves, I have let my website go for now.  I was getting to overwhelmed with all the upkeep on it and all my other sites that I have to keep up on.  But that is fine.  I have it still in my notepad so when I want to put it up again I will.  Probably bigger and better, because by that time I am hoping to be a certified webmaster.  But for now I will just focus on my blogs and social media to keep you all in the loop. 

I am working on my second book in the Spinners Club Series.  Jasmine should be out hopefully soon.  It is in the final stages of production and I am hoping it will be out before the end of the month but that is all up to my publisher now.  Hopefully soon we will have a cover reveal and such.  I will keep you up-to-date. 

So here it is I know a lot of you who follow me on my Facebook page have seen my day to day struggles in my life.  And yes I am very open with what goes on.  I know not a lot of authors are but I am.  I struggle just like anyone else.  But I believe in open honest relationships and that is what I feel I have with many of you.  I don't hide behind the computer screen and glamorize my life. My life is far from glamorous.  I really don't think anyone's life is glamorous as they think.  But I digress. 

My life has been going through a lot of changes.  I know you all see it and have tried cheering me up.  But a lot of my unhappiness is not because of what is going on in my life right at this moment, but because of things I did a long time ago. 

Have you ever fell in love so completely, and you knew it was the forever type of love.  Well, I did. I knew the moment I fell in love with this boy that it was going to be forever.  And it has been.  Whether we are together or not, I love him.  He is my heart.  I gave pieces of my heart to other men and I don't regret that anymore, it has made me into the woman I am today.  I loved many and fell for three,  and by fall I mean I actually fell in love with them. My first love, my second love, and my third.

My first love I will get too, because he is who owns me.  My second love well,  I fell hard and fast for this boy.  And my heart was broken by him but I never held it against him ever.  I never will.  We are still amazing friends and would have been more if things had been a little different.  Our timing has always sucked.  But friends are what we will always be and I am great with that. 

Third love, that would be the father of my children.  I know many of you have read about the difficult times we have been going through.  And that it is over between us.  And all that is true.  I can no longer live the life that he wants.  I am not the  type of woman he needs and he is not the type of man I need.  I don't hate him and I  never will, he gave me my children.  Plus I am not one of those women who want to exact revenge on a man because he strayed or lied.  We all have our faults.  I am not making excuses for him but I see no reason to hate him and make his life hell.  

We will remain cordial and hopefully can remain friends.   But I need to explore my world and I can't do it with someone that does not like the same things I do and has not interest in being part of my interests.  I will not go into anymore detail than that right now.  Maybe down the road.

Now on to my first love.  I met him when I was 16/17 years old.  I fell for him and I fell completely.  He is my one true soul mate.  I have been connected to him always.  He is where my heart is at home.  The only place I feel at ease.  I never really realized it until recently.  And that sucks but it is true.  He can calm me in ways that no one has ever been able too.  

But it's my fault we are no longer together.  And it tears me up inside every time I think about it. I know he feels the same.  He has said it, but in his own words.  He is the one that I know I will never get over.  The one that I will continuously have hope that we will be together again.  But at this point I don't know if I will ever see him again.  He has erected his walls against me and I understand why.  I hurt him and for that I am truly sorry.  I scare him.  I complicate his life.  But he still is there.  Just barely but he is and as long as he is there.  I am here waiting for him to be ready to give me another chance.

This man own me completely, always has, always will.  I am his.